Dark empty spaces all around me.
I hate this a Lot.
Being here, being surrounded by the sound of silence with no escape. I’m home with the one person that I want to be with, yet somehow I feel all lost and alone as I could ever be.
When I was far away, thousand miles apart, a single text, a simple phone call and I’m whole again. Now just a breath away from him, but yet It feels like a whole universe apart. Arm length, I’d reach out and hold him and cry these tears, but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why or what to expect. Why is it being thousands miles apart makes you appreciate more of what you have, and yet when you’re right there, the feeling is next to nonexistent. I’m scare of reaching out, scared of the lashing of a sleeping man. A man that I love. Why am I afraid of the one person that can make me happy, make me whole. I thought I was through with being afraid and let go when I know that there’s no other way, but why can’t I let go now? Does establish the way you feel take out the ability to give up and walk away?
I don’t want to run, to walk away, but I don’t like the feeling of being locked up by my own walls. What’s right, what’s wrong? try to read between the lines and yet all I see a blank piece of paper. How to reach to the end when you can’t see the end of the road? Keep walking? Til when?
Can’t sleep, can’t stay awake, can’t walk in the midnight air to clear my head. I feel like a trapped animal. I whimper and frighten to death. I scream and scream in my head, and my heart shatters hoping that will bring him to me. Trapped. Dark. Emptiness. Silence. I found the paradise cloaked prison that I wanted to find, I have the key but there’s no escape. Freedom for the body, but not the soul. Can run but can’t hide. Total submission. Yet no salvation.
